Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
