Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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