She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
