Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
