You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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