I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
