Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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