I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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