Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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