Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
