I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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