if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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