I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
