I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize