the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It was confusing and full of hummus
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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