Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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