jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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