if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
