$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
