separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
