watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
