So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize