Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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