who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
