Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
