My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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