he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
