my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
