Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
