hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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