I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
