cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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