I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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