It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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