you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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