the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
