I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize