i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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