Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
