It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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