well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
