I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
