Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
