I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
