You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
