just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
