i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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