I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
