How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
