the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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