So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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