he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
