I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
