I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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