fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
