Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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