I love black thongs
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Shame - the story of my life.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
