why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
