i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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