420 ftw
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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