My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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