i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
