god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
