you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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