Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
