He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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