absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
