so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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