When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize