So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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