Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
