I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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