I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
