did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
