Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
