Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize