Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
