I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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