if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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