I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
