You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize