Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My hand turned me down
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
